Negotiating a “Workable Compromise” The Solution to Living as Free Citizens in a Free Nation

Negotiating a “Workable Compromise ver. 1.3.1

The Solution to Living as Free Citizens in a Free Nation

The Top Gun National Troubleshooter, Retired

http://gadfly.com/tag/FDF2017

6/18/2017 (Father’s Day)

Copyright 2017

Warning

This is not going to be a short report on the solution to living free, as citizens, in a free country like the USA, but it is probably the most import report ever written concerning our freedom as citizens living in a free nation.

Introduction

Conflict will occur between citizens, as well as between citizens and authorities, in all situations imaginable in our towns, communities and cities of all sizes. It will even happen in music festivals, county fairs or at any other events where we are compressed into a small space. It is how we resolve these conflicts that determine if we are going to live as free citizens in this free country, or are regulated by rules, laws and law enforcers, resulting in the loss of our freedom as citizens of a free nation.

Qualifications of this Writer

What are the qualifications of this writer to address this issue of freedom for citizens within a free nation?

Innate and Environmental Knowledge

In other words, what skills, knowledge and abilities did I receive from my parents and ancestors, and what did I learn from growing up in a family with two college graduates for parents?  Birth position in the family often is a major factor in developing our personalities and the personality traits that go with learning from these relationships with our parents, siblings and the community in which we grow up. [i]

I was born last in a family of eight children, last of four children by my mother, who was a college graduate when less than three percent of women in the USA had college degrees.  I was raised in a small farming community and was known by the community as “Doc’s Kid.”  My father was a veterinarian and the director of the Quality Control Department at a local creamery.   He was also the County Health Inspector who inspected the milk producing dairy farms to ensure disease-free and healthy milk.  I was also mostly known as “The Inspector’s Kid,” even by my farming classmates.  In retirement, he was invited to be the Plant Health Inspector at a meat producing plant just outside of town.

Lessons Learned from my Father

As a young teenager, I accompanied my father on his inspections of the dairy farms.  On one occasion, as he was finishing up this inspection, he confronted the dairy producer within earshot.  My father told the dairyman, “Make sure the lids on the milk cans are on tight as water is leaking into them.”  In this time period, the milk was kept cool in a spring-fed pool of water until the milk truck arrived to pick up the milk.  The dairyman got the point; my father knew from laboratory analysis that he was watering down his milk to increase the volume of milk and increase his profit.  When we got back into the car my father said to me, “Always give them a way out.”

When my father was the Health Inspector at the local meat-producing plant, he brought to the attention of the meat producers that there was a health problem in the sausage producing line.  The managers of the plant did not agree with this inspection report.  The plant was required, by Congress, to have a meat inspector in their employment.  This gave the managers of the plant the option to hire and fire inspectors as needed to produce meat and make their profit margin acceptable.  My father was terminated as Health Inspector for this meat-producing plant.  My father said to me, “Always call it like you see it and you will never be wrong.
I applied this later in my career, as the Quality Control Inspector for the Superconductors being manufactured by a vendor for a large magnetic fusion test facility (MFTF) at The Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in Livermore (LLNL), CA.  I found a length of conductor slightly out of specification for its content ratio of copper and superconducting material.  Since it was not too far out of specification, one of the overseeing engineers wanted me to “fudge” the numbers and pass the superconductor on to the assemble people.  “Call it like you see it and you will never be wrong.”  If you call it like someone else wants you to call it; you will be wrong every time. I have been in many situations as a troubleshooter and always followed my father’s instructions.

The Development of a Troubleshooter

It is the small things in life that put us on paths that we will follow all our lives.  When I was still on a tricycle, three of my sisters came home from out-of-state college to find out that their college funding was being terminated.  In those days, it was more important for men to go to college than women, and this kid on the tricycle became a priority for college.  My first generation college graduate parents did what a lot of, new to the middle class, parents do, and that is they had more kids than they could get through college and had to make the hard choice of who was going to college.  My father died my last semester in high school, and my five sisters were convinced that I was too stupid to go to college as I barely made it through high school.  This was true, except for in the subjects of math and science, where I excelled.  My science teacher lobbied for me to go to college and study physics, but I ended up leaving my Midwestern home and working in a saw mill on the Pacific coast.

After a year working in the saw mill, I joined the US Air Force. I graduated at the top of my class at Jet Engine Mechanic Training School and also later passed the exam to move up in grade with a perfect score, which was something that had never been accomplished before.  In fact, I was accused of cheating, but this charge was dismissed. I was assigned to the Small Gas Turbine Shop and was assigned to a trainer.  Small Gas Turbines were used to generate axillary electrical power (APU) for the fuel tankers, a.k.a. KC135’s. It refuels the B52 bombers – the largest bombers in the fleet – and was used extensively in LBJ’s War.

My trainer and I went out to one of these tankers and, when, at the flight deck, we approached the APU in the rear of the plane, he popped the lid off.  He gave me my instructions, “When you find out where the problem is the solution will be obvious. I’m going down here to take a nap. You wake me up if you need me” (There were two cots for the refueler’s to lie on during the refueling operations). This is the only training that I ever received in the art of troubleshooting.

This writer ended up in LBJ’s war in the South Pacific.  I prefer to use the name of the president who was promoting this war, as this puts the responsivity for the war where it belongs – on the Commander-in-Chief (another problem for another day).  I was assigned to a Material Transport Wing and we sent helicopters and aluminum caskets into South Vietnam. We left the helicopters there; the coffins were filled with the fallen and we sent them back to the USA to be buried by their families.   I was assigned to the Flight Line Jet Engine support group.  We had two shifts that worked a twelve-hour shift (noon to midnight and midnight to noon) for four days, then had three days off and then switched shift hours (this was necessary as it was too hot to sleep during the daylight hours and it gave us time to catch up on missed sleep when on the noon to midnight shift).

My sergeant observed that I had a special talent for troubleshooting the problems associated with the jet engines and I was often called on to give a second opinion on an engine waiting for parts to arrive from the states.  Arriving on shift at noon, my sergeant picked me up first thing.  We headed for a transport aircraft that the night crew had been troubleshooting all night without being able to identify the problem.  The sergeant explained to me the symptoms the engine was exhibiting.   When we reached the front of the aircraft, I told my sergeant “where the problem was and what the solution would be to fix the problem”.  We had that aircraft ready to take off in a couple of hours.

 On to College

At the end of my tour of duty, I headed off to college at a technical school, following my hands-on training as a jet engine mechanic.  College was a real shock as I had to learn things that I knew nothing about, like using a T-square and a drawing board, making two lines connect or be parallel to each other, how to use a slide rule to do multiplication and division problems, how to read and remember what I had read!  One summer, I was hired by the department to do the maintenance on the laboratory equipment and assist my metallurgical professor with the investigation of a phase change in a gold-lead alloy system.  This investigation had been going on for more than a few years without success.  I designed and built a compressing device that would mix the two elements together at different temperatures.  The phase change would be observed using an X-ray diffraction spectrometer.  Performing the mixing at lower temperatures, I noticed a change in color in the mixture.  Sure enough, this was the phase change we had been looking for.  Now with this additional indicator (the change in color), I could perform the experiments faster and get more data and higher resolution to the temperature of the phase change.  The temperature of the phase change was found to be within a few degrees Celsius.

Experience at LLNL

I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Mechanical Engineering Technology, with minors in Physics and Metallurgy.  When I applied for a position at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory (LLNL), I found out that my metallurgical professor’s review stated that “I was the most advanced student to ever go through that college”.  I was accepted on the staff at LLNL and assigned to a group working to develop fusion energy as a new source of energy.  After about ten years with LLNL, I was working with the Superconducting Development Group to develop a new high field superconductor for a high field test facility (HFTF).  I was invited to lunch by the program manager and the lead engineer on this project.  They were discussing the manufacturing problems at the contractor’s production facility on the east coast.  I offered up my opinion: “Find out where the problem is and the solution will be obvious.”  I was told to pack my bags and go troubleshoot the problems associated with the manufacturing process for this new high field superconductor.

On reaching this production facility on the east coast and observing the production process, I soon identified where the problem was.  However, this production line had more than a few problems.  We shut the production line down and I returned to LLNL where we redesigned and built new equipment for most of the production line.  However, we had not yet addressed the problem that I first identified.  This is where I was first introduced to Adlerian Psychology (Birth-Order Psychology – more on this subject to come; stay tuned).  The lead engineer on this production line refused to acknowledge that the problem I had identified as “The Problem” was the actual problem.  From my studies in Adlerian Psychology, I found that one of the traits of a firstborn in a family is that they will develop leadership traits and one of the attributes of these leadership traits is that “they know they are right even when they are not.”[ii]  We were running out of funds and running out of conductors to process through this last sept in the production process.  I knew I had to take control of the situation.  On identifying the person in this facility with the expertise to solve this problem, I met with him in his office.  My position was this: “You find a solution to this problem and I will design, build and implement your solution.”  He did and I did, and we sent the conductors ready for the coil winder that I had already designed and built and we created a world record magnetic field across a 40-millimeter bore in the HFTF.  I received an award for “Performance, above and beyond the Call of Duty.

After about twenty-five years at LLNL, I had received many challenges and worked on several projects of national interest.  At LLNL, it seems there is always a national crisis that needs to be solved.  I had been working with a young female engineer from MIT.  There is an invisible sign above the doors to LLNL that states that “Only the Best of the Best Shall Pass through These Doors.”   She was definitely one of the best of the best in the nation.  She was the only child of two PhD engineers and had received an abundance of “innate skills, knowledge and abilities” from her parents and graduated at the top of her class at MIT.

Working with her was quite an experience and I advanced my knowledge of Adlerian Psychology.  We were first induced in “My Experimental Laboratory” by the lead engineer of our group.  I was seated on a chair in my lab and when I was introduced to her as her lab partner for her upcoming experiments, she jumped into giving me directions on how to proceed: “I want this over there and I want that over here!!!!”  After I picked myself up from the floor – as she literally blew me off my chair – I stood before her and stated, “I don’t want this over there, I want it here, and I don’t want that over here, I want it over there!!!”  She looked at our lead engineer and he stated, “See, he can do that too.”  Welcome to the Adlerian Psychology of only children (“I Want” is paramount to their communication style).

At LLNL, there are contract employees who are communication experts and they teach classes on communication skills and on conflict resolution and teamwork communications. With the filter on the entry door “The Best of the Best,” these communication instructors will never run out of students to teach. I have gone through some of these classes twice to try and get the hang of this “Assertive Communication Style,” a.k.a. “adult to adult” or “win-win” communication.  We often go into the workforce with the communication style we developed in our family of origin and from parents who were low on the communication learning curve.  Without retraining to an assertive style, we will take the communication style learned from our developing years in our families to the grave.  It takes the whole organization to retrain one of these aggressive communicators; a one-on-one attempt will result in them thrashing you into the ground (more on this subject to come).

The Most Important Task-Force Ever at LLNL

The organization worked to improve this young lady’s communication style to an assertive win-win style.  We worked together as a team of two for about four years.  I was called on to join a task-force that was forming up to solve the latest national crisis issue.  When I met with the team, I suggested that they bring my partner onto the task-force, as she was very intelligent and a good investigator.  A few weeks later she showed up as the leader of this task-force.  I found out later that it was standard procedure at LLNL to put an up-and-coming engineer in charge of a group and support them with more experienced personnel; in this way they teach the young, up and coming, how to lead and then they move up to leadership roles  in the organization.

We were on this task-force for about a year.  As mentioned previously, I was considered too stupid to go to college by my sisters and ended up in a hands-on environment rather than the mathematical environment that regular physics majors receive.  I later concluded that the visualization method of troubleshooting that I had used in my Air Force experience must have come to me as innate knowledge from my father.  I did nothing to achieve these visualization skills; they just came naturally.  There was a core group of about a dozen engineers and physicists on this task-force and hundreds of support personnel:  physicists, chemists, material scientists, computer modelers, etc.  When I wasn’t needed elsewhere, I spent my time in my lay-back chair with my feet on my desk and my hat pulled over my eyes.  This was the meditation routine that I developed or copied from others.  One day, I looked at an illustration on the website of the local college where I was improving on my physics education.  It was an “A-ha” moment.  I then realized where “The identified problem” was and what the physics for this phenomenon was. Writing up my findings and sending them to the program manager with my suggestion for further study, I was on hold for a few weeks.  Another experimental team addressed “The identified problem”, made the necessary changes and performed a successful mission accomplished test.  The task-force was dissolved.  It was the successful completion of this task-force that I earned the reputation as “The Top Gun National Troubleshooter.” This young MIT and now Stanford graduate engineer left LLNL to design toys for children.  She left with a review of my performance “She thought I was the nation’s secret weapon”.  End of discussion on this writer’s qualifications as a National Troubleshooter.  Q .E. D.

A Side Bar on Communication Styles

One of the task-force leaders came to my office a few weeks later and wanted to know how I solved the problem.  When I walked to my whiteboard to draw an illustration of the phenomena, he stated “I don’t want to see an illustration and I don’t want to hear anything about religion.” (I guess my reputation for relying on a higher power preceded me.) He proceeded to ask me questions in the Socratic style thinking that the right question would produce the best answer.  Some people are very visual and some people are very verbal; we could not even communicate with one another because of this extreme difference in skills.

The Firstborn Syndrome

Because of the sign over the entry doors to LLNL, only the best of the best are on staff at LLNL.  With this type of filter on the entry doors, the results are that most of the staff is either the only child or the firstborn child in their respective families and they have their distinctive communication styles (more on this subject to come).  For about ten years, I was a member of a Platform Speakers Club at LLNL. At one of our group meetings in a semi-large conference room that was fully packed with our club members, I had control of the podium and I asked the question, “How many in this room are the firstborn child in their family?” A show of hands indicated that everyone in this conference room was the firstborn in their family, except me.  I’m a member of a study group in a church called the Explorers; there are more people with PhDs in this class than one would normally find in a whole church body.  I asked a similar question in this group: “How many men in this class have and older brother?”  Ninety percent of the men raised their hand.  Although some of us had a brother that was ten to even sixteen years older, the profile still fit us.  I visited my old church and did a sample survey and found the same results (more on this subject to come).  The conclusion must be that firstborn brothers go into technical fields and the younger brothers go to church.  This Adlerian Psychology is really fascinating.

Communication Styles

The gurus of communication have identified four styles of communication that pretty much describes all of our citizens.  They are identified by four different characteristics.

Passive Aggressive Submissive Assertive Aggressive
You win; I lose, but I will get you back. You win; I lose You win; I win I win; you lose
Snake-in-the-grass Doormat Adults Tyrant
Loser to tyrant Child to adult Adult to adult Adult to child

Adlerian Psychology and Communication Styles

There are several different scenarios on how these communication styles are formed in our formative years in our family of origin.  Dr. Kevin Leman, Professor of Psychology, University of Arizona, Tucson, describes two different firstborn styles: compliant and controlling.   I would guess that these two different traits would fall into the submissive and aggressive categories of communications.  Falling back on Adlerian Psychology, my observations are that if a firstborn has a same sex sibling close in age, they will develop an aggressive communication style.  If a firstborn has an opposite sex sibling close in age, they will develop a compliant communication style.  There can be other factors involved, such as an alcoholic or drug-addicted parent.  Keep in mind that this is psychology and there are always exceptions and anomalies in the database. 

The younger same sex near sibling would likely develop a submissive communication style.  The opposite sex near sibling could well develop a firstborn personality.  On down the family birth order, there will be a mixture of middle born children.  The “True Middleborn” will be caught between a same sex near older sibling and a close same sex younger sibling.  These Middleborns will have to negotiate for their own personal space and act as a referee between their older and younger same sex sibling.  Therefore, they will grow into adulthood as negotiators and peace keepers. [iii]  Other combinations of Middleborn siblings is a mixed bag and too difficult to analyze or theorize.  The Lastborn of close in age siblings will develop a personality, skills and traits that will enable them to do well in marketplaces as sales persons or marketers taking advantage of their developed social skills.  Dr. Leman discusses the traits of all these different types of birth orders in great detail in his many books. [iv]

Personnel for Microcosm’s Security and the Nation’s Police Forces

 From these discussions and insight into personalities and traits of the different family birth order, could there be a solution to police abuse of our citizens?  Can these different birth orders provide guidance to jobs, the police beat and special assignments?  For instance, the true middle born will develop natural abilities in “Peace-Keeping and NegotiatingWorkable Compromises.” Therefore they are a natural fit for domestic interaction with our citizens.  Can the aggressive personalities be retrained to exhibit an assertive style of communication and the accompanying “attitude adjustment?” Certainly, the younger the officers, the more easily they would be able to make the adjustment to the assertive, win-win style.  Then there are police assignments that require a hard-nosed aggressive communication style, with people that need to be brought “under control”, where “Being in Control”  is the prominent trait of the Firstborn with a near (within five years) same sex younger sibling, making a perfect fit for this job assignment. [v]

Negotiating a “Workable Compromise

The first step in negotiating a workable compromise is to draw a line in the sand that represents your borderline that “works for you.”  Do not accept any compromise that does not work for you; other solutions to the conflict must be addressed to find a solution that works for all parties involved.  This is the basic concept to “Living as Free Citizens in a Free Nation.”   Q. E. D.

Case Study  

Microcosms

 There are microcosms of citizens coming together in close circumstances.  These microcosms can be used as test-beds to develop strategies that allow citizens to live free in a free nation.  There a several varieties of these events where citizens come together for a short period of time.  My one experience is with a music festival that meets yearly during the week of Father’s Day.  Some people come with tents, some come in small RV trailers, and some in large, home-sized RVs, and these people live together in a compact space for four days.

Co-existence of Compromiser’s and Rule Enforcers

This festival has as an organization with a seated volunteer board of directors who are responsible for all aspects of putting on this enormous music festival.  Talent contributors come from all across the country, as do the attendees.  This board of directors has chosen to use rules and rule enforcers to manage this large group of mostly rule-abiding attendees.  Even the fairgrounds where this festival is held have its own set of rules to follow.  Therein lies the challenge – can negotiating a workable compromise and rule enforcers coexist with each other?  My recent experience in this exact situation says no, they cannot coexist.  We can either have negotiators or enforcers, but we cannot have both at the same time if we want to live free in a free nation.

Festival Father’s Day 2017 

We had an anomaly, for this time of the year; a rain storm had hit this area with a vengeance.  This created a mud swamp where it is designated RV parking.  Several RVs got stuck in the mud and left deep ruts, even in the RV designated spot that I had specifically reserved six months earlier.  It gave me a great view overlooking the lake just past a public area with picnic tables.  One caveat of this designated RV parking space was that someone had gotten stuck in the mud at one end of the space and left deep ruts, now dry and hard, covering about 25 percent of the RV parking space.  All the RV spaces were marked with white lines and were adjacent to each other, both sideways and front to back.  I pulled the RV trailer right next to the line opposite the deep ruts and extended my awning and patio carpet just past the ruts.  My truck is an integral part of my rig, as a second refrigerator is in the truck and plugged into the RV trailer.  This means the truck needs to stay connected to the RV trailer, making it too long to fit in our designated parking spot while missing the deep ruts.  The RV spaces are outlined in white and I had to encroach on the RV parking spot in front of mine, but there was significant space for this RV to move back about three feet, at least at this time four days before the rest of the RVs showed up for the festival (I was attending the pre-festival Music Camp).  I knew this was going to result in an attempt to negotiate a workable compromise, so I did my best to position my patio close to the deep ruts.

Pre-Festival Music Camp

My dog and I arrived four days prior to the opening of the music festival and I attended a music camp for these four days.  The traffic in the RV park was very limited during this time, giving my dog room to run after being tied up on a leash all day.  He could not get enough of running free after spending all day under the RV trailer (as per festival rules).

The Festival Starts

On the first day of the festival, RVs started showing up and available real estate was disappearing.  Some of us RV campers paid for an electric hook-up and were in the designated parking areas.  Other RV campers parked at free will as space was available.   The RV that was designated to park in the spot where my truck had encroached showed up later than most and the opportunity for accommodating this situation with the deep ruts was getting thinner.  When this large RV showed up, most of the free spaces were taken and the RV park manager could not find a solution that would allow a fire truck access to all the RVs.

Attempt to Negotiate a Workable Compromise

We were in the process of coming up with alternatives when about a dozen uniformed security personal showed up at my RV. The first officer on the scene said “You’re not going to like this”.  They were bent on forcing me to accept a compromise that I already had decided would not work for me.  In fact, their head of security showed up and designated me as a “rule breaker” and said that “if I broke one rule, I probably broke other rules as well”. He asked me if my dog was on a leash (a festival grounds rule).  I informed him that the dog was in plain sight and he could see for himself if my dog was on a leash.  I was very upset that he had affixed a label to me.  Affixing a label on someone or group of persons is the first step in dehumanizing them and then they are deprived of their human rights and, in the USA, deprived of their rights under the Constitution of the USA.  I explained to him what a “red herring” is.  “One is on their way to accomplishing their objective when a red herring swims by and instead of staying focused on the objective they chase after the red herring.”  I then pointed out to him that he had brought a red herring to this discussion.  One alternative that was not discussed was filling up the ruts with dirt and making this RV space completely usable.  If each of those dozen security officers came with a bucket of dirt, the situation would have been resolved to everyone’s satisfaction.  Workable compromise negotiations came to a standstill on the arrival of the security personnel.  My brain was now traumatized; on reflection, after the fact, I have thought of other options that I could have come up with to facilitate the workable compromise.  This incident has led me to the conclusion that Negotiators and Rule Enforcers cannot coexist; they are mutually exclusive.

Change in Plans

I now considered my options.  This security team was bent on forcing me to accept a compromise that I already had established would not work for me.  The first rule of negotiating a workable compromise is: “Don’t be forced into accepting a compromise that does not work for you!”  My dog was exhibiting signs of depression. He had been tied up for the last four days according to festival rules and he had no place to run free or socialize with other canines.  He was not allowed to accompany me to class, to lunch or to the audience area of the festival.  When I got back to see him at the RV, he was overjoyed to see me.  But now he is not eating and is camped under the RV trailer.  With strange security personnel all over our RV space, my dog was now traumatized.  I decided it was best to pack up and leave the festival.  I got my partner on the phone and she said she was still at home. I told her to stay there as we were coming home.  She was able to cancel her hotel reservations without a penalty due to a high demand for rooms.

Packing up the RV for Travel

As the officers of the security team were leaving in their golf cart, we confirmed that we were all war veterans.  I stated to them: “This was not the freedom that I fought a war for, and I do not think that any of the 5,000 fallen that I sent back to be buried by their families would agree that this is the freedom they died for.” I think the security team’s war veterans agreed to this statement.  The head of security wanted to make sure that I left, so he stationed two of his officers next to my truck to make sure I did not change my mind and that I removed my RV in a timely manner.   I have formed the habit of looking for the silver lining in all situations of this nature.  Here was an opportunity to interview two security officers and apply my knowledge of Adlerian Psychology to the situation at hand.  One of the officers was showing definite signs of an aggressive communication style, as he did not pass up any opportunity to show me that “he had authority over me and had the ability to cause me great pain.”  He was also prodding me to get my RV out of there in a timely manner.  The other officer presented himself in a helpful manner.  I therefore pointed a finger at the officer with the aggressive personality and told him that he was the firstborn in his family (I should have asked him how many years younger was his brother, as this situation produces the most aggressive personalities) and I told the other officer that he was a middle born in his family.  They both confirmed that I was right.  The aggressive officer continued to assert his authority and the middle born officer continued to seek peace.  I asked them why they were here supervising my withdrawal from this festival as I had volunteered to leave, and the aggressive one stated, “Because you pissed off the boss.”

I missed an opportunity to bring up the Nuremberg Trials of German Nazi officers who obeyed the commands of their demented leader rather than doing what they knew in their hearts was the right thing to do.  These dis-empowered officers were convicted of war crimes against humanity and were sent to the gallows.  It is this writer’s observation that it is the dis-empowered people in the world that cause the most pain and suffering for other people.

I got the RV trailer packed up and ready to go.  I was traumatized myself from this experience with Rule Enforcers and I didn’t use my RV pre-trip checklist, so did not turn off the hot water heater or the propane tanks. But we made it home without incident or only minor incidents.

Missing the festival was not a big loss as, at the last three festivals, we spent our time in camp listening to the music on the radio, going to the audience area only to buy CDs or ice cream.  Most of the performers dress like they just came out of the barn so there is no visual performance to be viewed!  The only group I had marked this year to go listen to and see was Dole Lawson, for I knew he would be dressed like a performing artist.

How Can We Improve the Management of this Festival?

I suggest we start with the requirement that to become or remain on the Board of Directors, Security Personnel and membership in this organization a person must produce a certificate of completion in an Assertive Communication Class and a Class on Negotiating Workable Compromises.  These two classes would be offered and taught by the organization’s contracted experts in the hands-on-methods of assertive communication and negotiating workable compromises

Our Citizens (Members) Developed Communication Style

Most of us have developed our communication style and skills from our family of origin from parents who had poor communication skills.  Others spent a good deal of their life communicating with children in an adult-to-child (aggressive) mode and controlling by rules.  They too must learn the adult-to-adult (assertive) communication style and how to negotiate a workable compromise.  Festivals like this could be used, as a microcosm of the nation, could produce, with these actions, a role model for the rest of the nation to follow.

Guidelines not Rules

My dog Buddy had been leashed up and not allowed to accompany me to any events at Music Camp for four days.  He was now depressed, not eating and traumatized from all the security personnel on our RV site.  I offered to leave the FDF, as a solution to the lack of space problem, Buddy was ecstatic to get back home and Run Free; he ran from one end of our property to the other as fast as he could go.  One of the dog owners in the RV lot, whose little canine was running free, off-leash, said that “He sees the rules as guidelines to be interpreted by each individual”.  I think he has the solution to living free in a free nation. Guidelines not rules or laws will eliminate the need for Rule Enforcers in the microcosms and Law Enforcers in the nation.  This may not be applicable in every situation, but it does eliminate the enforcer’s attitude that “I have power over you and I can bring pain into your life! “ They will no longer have this power over the citizens and they too must negotiate workable compromises.  Any hard and fast rule must be followed by the justification for that rule and these rules must be ratified by the membership of the organization. “How can we live free in this Free Nation”? By learning/enacting assertive communications, negotiating workable compromises and enacting, not rules/laws, but guidelines.

By Jove, I think we’ve got it. We now know how to live free as members, in microcosms and as citizens, in a free nation.    Q.E. D.

 

[i] http://drleman.com “The Birth Order Book”, Pub Revell, 2009

[ii] Dr. Kevin Leman, “The Firstborn Advantage”, Pub Revell 2008  p 69

[iii] Ibid I, p 149-165

[iv] http://drleman.com

[v] Ibid ii, p71

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